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Meandering Musings

Black Friday Cometh

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[B]The following is a story from Black Friday 2005. It is written by me based completely on my experiences as a shopper that morning.[/B]

Black Friday & the 'Maul'
Current mood: sore
Black Friday: The day after Thanksgiving in which the majority of shopping locations institute crazy sales in order to incite paranoia, violence, and all out chaos. Boy did it work.

3:30 AM: Morning on Friday after a night of poker playing with the In-Laws. (incidently I lost 28 dollars, while Suz came out 22+ ahead.) I woke up in order to catch a good deal at Wally World on a laptop. It was still decently expensive, but for laptops, dirt cheap.

4:00 AM: I arrived at Wal Mart in order to catch the deal at 5. The parking lot was still fairly empty all things considered, so i got me a cart and made my way back to the electronics. Upon my arrival there, I saw that there were about 10 people already surrounding the pallette that housed said laptops. I took my place around the pallette pretty much closing off anyone else who would try to approach. The folk there were quite agreeable. One young man had been at that location for almost 4 hours at that point for this very item. There was also a pair of gentle, delightfully older women who were quite kind, worn veterans to this kind of thing, but civil nonetheless.

4:15 AM: Over the next 45 minutes about 40 more people showed up. There were talks of how things get quite violent at these things in the past, and how much better people we were and wouldnt allow that to happen. Even a few mini-alliances were placed to ensure that all of the 'early birds' received their spoils. The time neared, more people showed. We all inched closer, tugging ever so slightly here and there at the black plastic that held the stack of boxes in place.

4:55 AM: Tension was getting thicker...A police officer actually showed up at this time. My thoughts were 'Wow, they're really taking this quite seriously and expect a big breakdown of decency.' After some slight interogation it was discovered that this officer was actually off duty on his way to hit his beat deep in the ghetto of hard knocks...Clinton, IA. He was simply looking for a good deal or two himself.

4:59 AM: A Walmart Employee who had been studiously studying the mass of people who had grown to at least 50, approached the holy grail and began to slice through the outer layers of plastic protecting the contents from the brutal public lying in wait. He announced that he was going to finish cutting all the plastic away before we 'go nuts'. We all nodded and placed a hand on or near a laptop which we were wanting to secure. I had my eye just below the pennacle in hopes that it would not be the first one people would dive after, thus giving me a better chance at completing my quest.

5:01:00 AM: The employee had just gotten over half way with the plastic. The great 'Pavillion' started to lean as more pressure was placed on the tower. Sounds of 'wait, he's not done' and 'NOT YET' could be heard. This only served to fuel the angst that could be felt all around. I reached with both of my hands and placed them onto the box I had been eyeing. As I tried to grasp it and clutch it to my breast, someone with bigger hands tightened his grip and pulled. Hard. It slipped, and I recoiled. While this is all happening I feel myself getting pushed along with the crowd, from behind and from the left.

5:01:15 AM: I looked back at my target. The grand tower that once stood before me had now dwindled to less than half its previous size. I remember at this point thinking 'My God People' as I dove in for another chance. As I strove towards the grail that await me I felt a sharp pain in my left eye, it went dark for a moment. My head, against my wishes, swung to the left of my body and I focused on a man I had met an hour ago walking away from the crowd with both a laptop and a flat-screen TV that was carried on the same pallette. 'Good Job' I thought. He had been camped at the site for at least the last 5 hours. He deserved it.

5:01:25 AM: I quickly remembered my goal in the foray and returned towards it. The pain in my eye had been blocked out by the adrenaline rush I felt in the midst of such madness. I reached out in front of me, almost falling over the nice ladies in front of me, I grasped...

5:01:27 AM: ...and had it! The cardboard felt wonderful in my hands, I placed my hands fully around the sides of the box, and pulled it towards me. Just then I heard someone very Vader-like scream 'NNNOOOOOO' as he forcefully pulled at the very item I had my hands on! I knew that I wouldn't get another chance if I let this one slip away so I re-gripped the box and pulled with all of my strength. I made use of my massive girth and shifted my weight away from the crowd, clutching my posession securely.

5:01:31 AM: It broke free! I brought it to my chest, bear-hugging the precious silicon miracle of technology and turned towards my cart. It was gone. As I frantically searched the surrounding territory, I hear from one of my allys 'Good for You' I looked at him, our eyes met. I acknowledged him and the battle he was still enthralled in. 'Good Luck'

5:01:34 AM: I made my way through the still rushing crowd which was making its way towards the middle like ants on a french fry. I made it to the clearing and found the cart I had left about 50 feet from its current location just a minute before. I quickly placed my treasure into it, and thrust my cloak overtop so to conceal my findings from those greedy mongers that seemd to inhabit every nook and cranny of the area. My quest had been completed, I achieved the goal I had set out to accomplish. The suspense was near-maddening and almost drove me to fits of insomnia and paranoia. The rush and excitement during the fray unleashed my inner berzerker, though I managed to only take it out on the pile of electronic wonders at the center.

5:02 AM: I take a moment to catch my breath. The pain returns to my eye then, and I reach up to tend to my wounds. I pull my hand away, checking for blood...There is none, thankfully. I make my way through the corridors and look back for a moment where the monumentus battle ensued. There is only rubble left, and two battered reminants of flat-screen TV's. I take a moment to reflect back on what had just occured and think that I really must find the nice old ladies that I'm sure i was forced to trample as I was pushed from behind. I search the store for what seems like an hour to no avail. They're gone. I close my eyes and thank Ivar for my safety. And for the treasure safely tucked away in my cart. It was a good day...a Black Friday to remember.

Epilogue: Be sure to check my pictures to see exactly what damage was done to my face, There was some. It turns out I was smacked square in the eye with a laptop box, the upper and lower sides of which broke the skin and left me with what you see there. I found out later that a fist-fight had broken out at the same scene. Thank god I wasnt involved in that.

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  1. cowmoo83's Avatar
    wow... seriously, they need to make more stuff for these black friday events... or it should be first come, first serve. I'm glad I've never had to go to a black friday event... >.>

    Funny story though :P

    Shows the true nature of the common shopper!
  2. Kurt's Avatar
    Whit...we can't see your MySpace pictures on PokeFarm... >.> lol Neat story...well, kind of; I kinda hate all that frantic Black Friday junk... *sleeps in instead*
  3. pikaluva13's Avatar
    I found it

    looks like a black eye with a scratch above on his
  4. Pikadude609's Avatar
    They should discount everything :P. Not just 1 or so items of each thing. They are asking for fights to happen
  5. predictions of doom's Avatar
    *doesn't really understand this Black Friday madness*
    So they discount a couple items, and people line up for hours to get 'em

    Didn't someone get trampled to death last year?
  6. cowmoo83's Avatar
    They discount items like crazy! This is the major way for people to get their gifts for x-mas all at discounted prices! Some of the deals are amazing (especially on tech. stuff). If you look, you can find some really amazing deals!

    Yes, somebody did get trampled last year... which I think is just pathetic... I mean c'mon, how do you trample someone and not even think about going back to help the dude. What jerks.
  7. predictions of doom's Avatar

    It's kinda sad that people would value reduced prices over basic courtesy (Ie. not stepping on others). The whole physically fighting for reduced prices makes me sick.
  8. pikaluva13's Avatar
    *hits gwen with random cardboard box*



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